August 2010
by Rev. Victor M. Parachin

Dear Friends, One of the greatest college basketball coaches was John Wooden who died earlier this year at age 99. In 1932 Wooden married his high school sweetheart, Nell Riley saying she was “the only girl I ever went with.” They had a long happy marriage. Then in 1985, Wooden was devastated when Nell died after a long illness at the age of 73. They had been married 53 years and had remained remarkably close given the demands of professional coaching. Nell attended UCLA games, even on the road, and in a pregame ritual John would look for her in the stands and exchange their “the lucky look.” He would wave his rolled-up program at her and wink and she would give him the OK sign. After her death, Wooden became what he described as “bordering on” a recluse for several years; staying in the condominium they had shared, refusing to change anything about it. He stopped going to the NCAA Tournament’s Final Four, Saying: “She was always with me. So the memories are too painful.” Each month, he wrote her a letter, adding it to a growing stack on her pillow Observing his grief reaction, some may have criticized Wooden for being “too reclusive” or “too morbid”. Neither of those would have been correct observations. John Wooden adjusted to the loss of his beloved wife, continued working as a motivational speaker and author. The lesson from his grief experience is this: people grieve differently; there’s no ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way. Here’s some wisdom from John Wooden to think about. They apply to life in general and especially to those who grieve Adversity is the state in which man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then. Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. Be quick, but don’t hurry. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes. SEVEN HEALTH TIPS FOR BETTER GRIEF MANAGEMENT Bereavement creates a great deal of physical, emotional and spiritual stress. It is to your advantage to take the best possible care of your health during this time. Here are seven health tips for grievers. 1. Let your doctor know you have experienced the death of a loved one. A pre-existing medical condition can be impacted by the stress of loss. Your doctor can treat you more effectively if he has this information. 2. Exercise. Get outside or into a health club for an hour of exercise most days of the week. This will strengthen your body and your overall immune system. 3. Socialize. Studies show that people who spend time with others have a better quality of life than those who isolate themselves. 4. Pay attention to nutrition. Eat healthy, balanced meals. This means concentrating on fruits and vegetable. Drink plenty of water. Avoid junk foods. Let mourning stop when one’s grief is fully expressed – Confucius Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy. -Eskimo Proverb Grief is a most peculiar thing; we’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But, it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it. -Arthur Golden The only cure for grief is to grieve. -Joshua Loth Liebman

MAYO CLINIC ADVICE ABOUT POSITIVE THINKING Several hundred years ago, John Milton, observed: “The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.” It was his way of saying that our perception can become our reality. When it comes to life, we can look at it one of two ways: positively or negatively. The choice is always ours. Recently, the editors of the May Clinic health newsletter reminded readers of positive thinking suggesting that people “take a refresher course in positive thinking” because being an optimist is a key part of effective stress management. They suggest we all look carefully at our “self-talk” that endless stream of thoughts which run through our minds every day. Some common forms of negative and irrational self-talk to be aware of include:

• Catastrophizing – automatically assuming the worst possible outcome. • Personalizing – When something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself. • Filtering – magnifying the negative aspects of a situation while filtering out all of the positive ones.