Ref Victor M. Parachin, M.D.

JUNE, 2011

Dear Friends,

When
hard times come, some people crumble and tumble.  Others, however, withstand the storm and not
only survive but thrive.

The
difference is in their emotional "muscles", something psychologists call
resilience.  Here is a one week
"resilience work out" designed to strengthen you emotional muscles:

Monday: 
No matter how great your life
challenge, make up a gratitude list which includes a minimum of twelve
positives in your live.

Tuesday: 
When you feel yourself
becoming worried, make the choice not to. 
Remember this wisdom from British writer George MacDonald:  "No man ever sank under the burden of the
day.  It is when tomorrow's burden is
added to the burden of today that the weight is more than a man can bear.  Never load yourself so."

Wednesday:  Before
you begin the day take a few moments to identify seven personal strengths.  These could be anything from, "I'm a very
friendly woman" to "I am a highly creative man."  Simply being aware of our strengths increases
our ability to be resilient.

Thursday:  Find
one positive in a very negative situation. 
Consider this example of a couple whose house burned down while they
were away on a trip.  Upon learning of
the fire they turned to each other saying: 
"We still have each other and the house was insured."

Friday: 
Throughout the day affirm yourself
and your life.  Too often we are our
harshest critics.  Offset this tendency
by reciting affirmations about yourself. 
Some affirmations to get you started could be:           
I am the master of my life.

             I will find a way through this.

             I am intelligent and creative.

            I am strong, secure, stable.

Saturday:  Whateverchallenge comes your way say
to yourself:  "I have what it takes to
get through this storm!"  Here are two
quotes for further motivation:  1) "I am
not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship." -

Louisa
May Alcott.  2) "Smooth seas do not make
skillful sailors." - African proverb

Sunday: 
Cultivate your spiritual
strength.  Do this by making time to
meditate, practice yoga, participate with a faith community, go for a walk in
nature, pray, sing, listen to spiritual music, read from a sacred scripture or
inspirational book.

Try
this for seven days and then remember to continue "working out" every day.

LAUGHTER 
IS GOOD MEDICINE

Laughter
is emotional freedom.  It raises your
spirits, increases levels of endorphins, relieves pressure, and reverses
learned seriousness. Researchers have found that after people viewed funny
videos they were significantly more hopeful and less depressed than those who
didn't watch them.  Humor seems to
compete with negative thoughts by inserting positive ones.

Try
to surround yourself with humorous, upbeat people.  Also, watch hilarious movies, listen to
comedy routines, or read books that make you smile.  Laughter will take the bite out of
depression.

   -Judith Orloff, MD from her book

     Emotional
Freedom

MAJORITY OF GRIEVERS ADJUST

AND ADAPT TO THEIR LOSS

The
vast majority of people, who lose a loved one to death deal with their grief in
healthy ways and, after a period of time, adapt and adjust very well.  Sidney Zisook, MD and Katherine Shear, MD.,
both psychiatrists, have studied grief and loss.  They offer this hopeful insight to those
currently facing a time of bereavement:

"There
is no evidence that uncomplicated grief requires formal treatment or
professional intervention. 

For most bereaved individuals, the arduous journey through grief will
ultimately culminate in an acceptable level of adjustment to a life without
their loved one.  Thus, most bereaved
individuals do fine without treatment.

Certainly,
if someone struggling with grief seeks help, they should have access to
empathic support and information that validates that theirresponse is typical after a
loss.  When support, reassurance, and
information generally provided by family, friends, and sometimes, clergy is not
available or sufficient, mutual support groups may help fill the gap.  Support groups can be particularly helpful
after traumatic losses, such as the death of a child, a death after suicide or
deaths from other 'unnatural' causes."

GOING ON AFTER A PARTNER  HAS DIED

Even though a beloved partner
has died, there is still life to be experienced and lived.  Here are suggestions from widows and widowers
for rebuilding life after loss:

•    Return to work

•    Get a job if you've been out of the
workplace.

•     Take a community college class to upgrade
your employment skills.

•    Rekindle a long abandoned interest or
hobby.

•     Adopt a pet.

•    Volunteer.

•     Expand yourself spiritually.

•     Join a club or civic organization.

•     Do some house improvements or redecorate
your home.

•     Reach out to acquaintances in order to
create a new network of friends.

•     Become active with a church, synagogue or
faith community.

•     Join a health club and try a new exercise
regimen.

COMMON MISTAKES PEOPLE

MAKE WHEN TRYING TO HELP A

GRIEVER

Saying:  "Here's what you need to do - be strong, be
positive."  For people in the most
difficult time of grieving it's hard to feel positive and strong. 

Saying that only makes them feel worse about themselves.  Better to say:  "I believe in you.  Have faith in yourself and your ability to
manage this."

Saying:  "You'll get over this or you'll get through
this."  While that's definitely true, the
words can be heard by a griever as something which minimizes the magnitude of
their loss.  Better to say:  "Take all the time you need to get over
this.  Don't pressure yourself but take
it as it comes, one day at a time."

Saying:  It was his time" or "He's in a better place now."  These are trite platitudes which simply don't
acknowledge the depth of loss.  Better to
say:  "I miss your dad too."  Then, share a pleasant memory of the deceased
person.

THE ATTITUDE OF

GRATITUDE IS VITAL T

LIVING

This wisdom is demonstrated
through Helen Keller, who was blinded and deafened while a child.  In spite of this, she went on to graduate
from university and become a world renowned author and inspirational
speaker.  Of her life, she said:  "So much has been given to me; I have no time
to ponder over that which has been denied."