March 2011 Newsletter
by Rev. Victor M. Parachin

        Barn’s burnt down now

       I can see the moon.  -  Masahide

Those words were written by Masahide (1657-1723), a Samurai poet who also practiced medicine in Japan.  He wrote this poem in 1688 shortly after his house, barn and everything he owned was burned up.  Though he wrote many poems, this one about the barn and moon is most remembered and most famous.

An alternate translation of his words reads this way:

     Since my house burned down

     I now own a better view

     of the rising moon.

Ask yourself: “Why did this poem become his most famous?  What is in it which makes itself attractive to people?”  Several answers are possible.

First, there is the positive outlook in the presence of tragedy.  A building is gone but now there is a better view of the beautiful moon.  Secondly, there is some humor evident in Masahide – “The building was blocking my view.”  Thirdly, his words are an eloquent reminder that some people merely have sight while others have insight.

Another person in the same circumstances could simply weep and wring his hands in despair at the loss of so much property and goods.  That person only sees what has been lost.  The trick in life is to move from sight to insight, which is precisely what Masahide was able to do and, he did it promptly.  Within a day or two after his building was devoured by flames, he expressed insight not merely sight.

There is an interesting modern parallel to Masahide’s wisdom and it comes from the great inventor Thomas Edison.

When he was 67 years of age in 1914, fire destroyed his plant.  Ten buildings went up in flames.  He was insured for $2 million but the losses were more than $7 million.  Yet, as he watched the flames consume his life’s work he spoke to reporters who were present telling them: “There is great value in this disaster.  All our mistakes are burned up.  Thank God we can start anew.”

Then he informed his 7,000 employees they would not be out of work but to report in the next day to do salvage work and begin rebuilding plants.

The lesson from Masahide and Edison is one which any of us can apply to life whenever a loss, disappointment or even a tragedy comes our way.

We need to train our eyes not only to see what has been taken from us but what remains and what can emerge from the loss.  This is the difference between sight and insight.

TEN TIPS FOR MOVING

THROUGH GRIEF

Winston Churchill famously said:  “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”  It’s useful advice for grievers.  Rather than get stuck in place, the key is to keep moving.  Here are ten tips for moving through grief.

1.   Seek and accept support.  Grief is a tough journey and is made easier in the company of others.  Find people whom you find encouraging, positive, and upbeat and who believe in you and your well-being.  Spend time with them.

2.   Do your homework.  Dealing with loss

means being in uncharted waters. Set time aside to learn about the grief process by attending workshops and seminars as well as reading books and magazine articles by others who have overcome grief.

3.   Find your’tribe’.  In most communities there are grief support groups.  These are made up of people just like you.  Join them.  Listen to them.  Learn from them.  Be inspired by them.  As your grief eases, you will, in turn, be able to offer the same support to others whose grief is new and fresh.

4.  Eliminate all blame.  Avoid finding fault with yourself, the one who died, doctors, hospitals, the other driver etc.  Assigning blame simply results to prolonged misery.  Deal with life the way it is right now.  Your recovery is dependent upon hour realization that this is “my problem and I’ll deal with it.”  Cease all faultfinding and blame.  Take control of your destiny.

5.  Pace yourself.  The journey through grief is not a 100 yard sprint.  It’s a marathon.  Pace yourself.  Be patient.  Give yourself all the time you need to complete the journey.

6.  Get moving.  Physical exercise is vital.  It will keep your body strong and healthy as well as increase your energy and boost your mood.  Make it a daily discipline to exercise.

7.  Expand your comfort zone.  Go back to school for additional training if you need to re-enter the work force.  Or, take a class simply to learn something new or deepen a hobby.  After her husband of 3 decades died, one woman enrolled in a community college photography class.  “I’d always been the family photographer and always wanted to know more about cameras and how to use digital cameras.  This was a good time to enroll and, a pleasant fringe benefit was that I made many new friends via the class.”

8.  Create meaning.  People who come back from loss ask these kinds of important questions:  What now?  Where do I go from here?  How do I rebuild my life? What good can I create out of this difficult experience?

9.  Tap into your spiritual side.  Feeling connected to the Sacred can be a powerful tool for dealing with loss.  In fact, numerous studies report that those see themselves as spiritual remain healthier and experience higher levels of well-being than those who are not.  Some quick suggestions for tapping into the spiritual include: joining a prayer or study group, participating in worship, engaging in meditation, practicing yoga, singing in a choir, spending time in nature, immersing yourself in the reading of inspirational literature.

10.  Believe in yourself.  Believe that you can come back from loss;   that you can regain the joy of living.  Remind yourself you still have a future.  Maintain this hope and confidence even when the challenges you face feel daunting.  Never let go of hope.  Remember the insight of psychologist George Weinberg:  “Hope never abandons you.  You abandon it.”

WISDOM TO APPLY ON A

DISCOURAGING DAY

“There are times when it is hard to believe in the future, when we are temporarily just not brave enough.  When this happens, concentrate on the present.  Cultivate le petit Bonheur (the little happiness) until courage returns.  Look forward to the beauty of the next moment, the next hour, the promise of a good meal, sleep, a book, a movie, the likelihood that tonight the stars will shine and tomorrow the sun will shine. 
Sink roots into the present until the strength grows to think about tomorrow.” 

                                 -    Ardis Whitman

CULTIVATING RESILIENCE

A five-year study of 97 active, productive people over 100 years of age conducted by Dr. Leonard Poon of the University of

Georgia found that there are four common characteristics that influence resilience – the ability to bounce back from loss:

•  Optimism:  They had a positive               view of the past and future and were not dominated by worry or negativity.

•  Engagement: They were actively involved in life, they were not passive observers.

•  Exercise:  They stayed active physically.

•   Adaptability to Loss:  They had an extraordinary ability to stay balanced by adapting to and accepting change and loss.