Hope Newsletter October 2010
by Rev. Victor M. Parachin

OCTOBER, 2010 Dear Friends, Today consider these two wisdom statements. The first is from poet and songwriter Leonard Cohen: There’s a crack in everything – that’s where the light gets in. The second is this modern saying: You can’t push out darkness. You can only bring in light. Put those two together as you read about a little girl named Taylor Sevin. After various treatments at the Lombardi Cancer Center at Georgetown University Medical Center in Washington, DC., her father died from a rare form of cancer. After the funeral, Taylor returned to school maintaining good grades. Whenever extended family and friends came by to visit, Taylor told each one she was raising money to find a cure for the cancer which took her father’s life. She asked them to donate the money they would have spent on a Christmas present for her dad. “I wanted the doctors to find a cure so that no other kids would be as sad as I was,” explained the 8 year old. That December, she presented the Lombardi Cancer Center with $155. “She brought in cash, checks and coins,” said Kevin J. Cullen, MD an oncologist at the center. “I was so touched that she could think of others even though she was grieving.” However, that was just a start for Taylor. Over the next months she began serious fund raising writing letters to friends and family across the country as well as working with the student body at her school. Eventually, this 8 year old donated a total of $23,991 to the cancer center. “We’ve never received this kind of donation from a child before. It’s extraordinary what she’s done,” said Dr. Cullen. Think of the connections between this story and these two wisdom statements: There’s a crack in everything – that’s where the light gets in . . .and . . . You can’t push out darkness. You can only bring in light. You’ve had a loss to death so remind yourself: “There’s a crack in my life and that’s where the light will get in.” Or, tell yourself: “I can’t push out darkness but I can bring in light.”

REGULAR EXERCISE IMPROVES QUALITY OF LIFE A massive amount of research has been done on exercise indicating that these are just some health benefits: • Reduces worry, anxiety, anger and depression. • Improves mood and attitude. • Increases concentration. • Improves muscle mass, strength and tone. • Strengthens the heart and increases its efficiency. • Boosts energy levels. • Improves bone density. • Reduces high blood pressure. • Lowers cholesterol. • Reduces the risk of some cancers. • Reduces the risk of diabetes. • Improves diet; maintains or decreases weight. • Aids in sleeping. • Increases self-esteem. Exercise offers a direct benefit to those who grieve. Don’t underestimate the power of something as simple as a daily walk. WORTH THINKING ABOUT Lethargy is a terrible disease that people fall prey to when they start thinking they are unable to achieve their dreams. (Cont’d) Some people say they “can’t” because it’s the easiest way out of undertaking action. Others say they “can’t” because they have been made to believe by others that they can’t. Yet, history has delivered us many who were not expected to do the things they ultimately did. We can also become the outstanding difference, demonstrating that we can achieve whatever we want to achieve. -Joan Marques, EdD.

INSIGHT FROM ROSANNE CASH ON THE DEATH OF HER PARENTS Within a two year period, Rosanne Cash lost her parents. First her mother June Carter Cash and a year later, her father, Johnny Cash. Many times she wished that one of them would have left behind a final letter of wisdom for her to read after their deaths. They didn’t do that but buried in her father’s papers Rosanne discovered a letter which has eased her grief. It wasn’t written to her but was written by her father to a friend whose father had recently died. “It was as if he kept a copy so my three sisters and my brother would find it. When I read the letter, it was speaking to me,” she says. In it, Johnny Cash wrote his friend saying: “You are now free to assume the best qualities of your parent. And in that way he will live on.” Rosanne says she took her dad’s advice seriously and began thinking: What are the best qualities of my parents I would like assimilate into myself – that I would like to let live through me? Their integrity? Their loyalty?” Rosanne believes integrating those into her personality is the best way to honor her parents’ memory.

GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR HELPING CHILDREN WORK THROUGH GRIEF William C. Kroen, PhD., is the author of an exceptional ‘reader friendly’ book titled Helping Children Cope with the Loss of A Loved One. In it he offers these five general guidelines for adults who wish to help grieving children. 1. Was the death anticipated or sudden? (Generally speaking, grief lasts longer in cases of sudden death.) 2. How close was the child to the deceased? (The closer the relationship, the longer the grief period.) 3. How well does the child comprehend what dying means? (Children who understand death seem to move more smoothly through grief than children who are struggling with the concept.) 4. How much support can the family give? (The more support, the better.) 5. Will the child be allowed and encouraged to mourn? (This promotes normal, healthy grieving.) Dr. Kroen also reminds adults that children “of all ages mourn and yearn for loved ones who die.” Therefore, adults should do all they can to provide dealing with loss “in a safe, caring, warm environment that promotes and encourages the expression of emotions.”

GRIEF IS A ROLLER COASTER, NOT A SERIES OF STAGES It is best not to think of grief as a series of stages. Rather, we might think of the grieving process as a roller coaster, full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Like many roller coasters, the ride tends to be rougher in the beginning, the lows may be deeper and longer. The difficult periods should become less intense and shorter as time goes by, but it takes time to work through a loss. Even years after a loss, especially at special events such as a family wedding or the birth of a child, we may still experience a strong sense of grief. - Hospice Foundation of America

UNIQUE WAY TO HONOR A FATHER When her beloved father Wright K. Smith died, his daughter Ellen, a resident of Austin, TX, purchased and released 4,000 ladybugs into her yard in his memory. Ladybugs have a voracious appetite for aphids-tiny, soft-bodied insects that literally suck the life out of plants by feeding on plant sap. Adult ladybugs, or lady beetles as they are also called, eat several hundred aphids per day! Aphids love to feed on succulent, tender new growth and often attack roses, nasturtiums and peppers. Ladybugs are an eco-friendly way to deal with these garden pests. Ellen decided to honor and remember her father on the first anniversary of his death in this unique, environmentally friendly way, and whenever she sees ladybugs in her yard, she knows her Dad is winking at her!